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Why did grandma knit three socks for her grandson?
Because he grew a foot.
Why did the girl throw the butter out the window?
Because she wanted to see time fly.
Why did the lady put lipstick on her head?
Because she wanted to make-up her mind.
What is Beethoven doing in his grave?
If you're an American outside of the bathroom, what are you in the bathroom?
What do you call a boy with a dictionary in his pocket?
A smarty pants.
What does a baker put on his bed?
Why did the scientist install a knocker on his door?
He wanted to win the no-bell prize
Why was the scientist's head wet?
Because he had a brainstorm.
What kind of gum does a scientist chew?
Why didn't the astronaut go to class?
Because it was launch time.
Who made the first airplane that could not fly?
The Wrong Brothers.
What does a farmer give his wife on Valentine's Day?
Hogs and kisses.
How did the farmer mend his pants?
With cabbage patches.
Why should you never marry a tennis player?
Because love means nothing to him.
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